It has been a long time since I have written from my heart. Not that the posts over the last year have been mindless babble but more that I have been guarded and not allowed my words to be vulnerable. It has been a hard year for family and I truly believe I am learning to walk at the same time as Kasaan. As he moves away from the couch and into the center of the room I am moving away from the infancy of my own closed mind. There was once a man in me who knew how to drink deep of the morrow of life. The last couple years, I admittedly have forgotten how to walk. Maybe its the accusation to Paul in me, "too much study has made you mad." Maybe it's the cold of Boston or maybe, just maybe its a weak theology of joy. I have allowed things to be too serious too often. I am guilty of too much advocacy and have neglected the simple things. Baby steps I'm telling you. Back to the laughter, back to the jokes, back to the smiles. When I was 18 months old I was diagnosed with spinal meningitis and had to learn how to walk all over again as a toddler. The last 4 years have taken a different kind of toll on my body and here I find myself learning to walk all over again. Walking in laughter. Taking myself way less serious. Trusting God's work and taking my little ministry way less serious. And if my progress truly is in line with Kasaan's physical abilities; I'll be running by summer.
